On Last Goodbyes and Moving On

Dear You,

“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man, with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I have loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.” – From The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks

Enough. A word I mention to myself since that raining evening last August 1, 2018. I was driving and we were talking. I sensed there was something different about you, something off. Like there was something you wanted to tell me but couldn’t figure out how. I knew if I probed I probably wouldn’t want to hear what it was you were trying desperately to tell me. It was another goodbye. Twice before it happened but this time, the third time, it was also the last.

I came out of it dazed, confused, hurt, abandoned, and jaded. It was as if I felt my soul leaving my body, my mind wandering into space, and my heart crushed as we were both in tears.

When it was over, I hoped it wasn’t true. That it was just something we had to go through. I prayed that a few days later you’d reach out to say, 'I want to start over again'. Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to a month. But as my tears began to dry up, my heart started to regain its shape, and my mind distracted from work...

it happened.

You met someone. And I knew the reason. Someone else can make you happier. Someone else could probably love you more. Someone else could take care of you. And for the longest time, I prayed to God that that someone would be me. But He said I wasn’t ready. He said you had to be with someone else.

They said everything happens for a reason. And in time, I hoped I would understand and learn to accept that we were just not meant to be.

And in the billions of people in the world and the countless hearts to care for, I had mine broken four times in a matter of six months. 

Maybe in time somewhere along the way, when our paths cross once again, we could both smile and be grateful that once in our lives we met each other.

So I leave this to you as a parting gift. Those eyes that I wished would look at me differently and for the heart that I wished could love me back... But never could. In the end, it’s like as you said, prayers and time. I wish you well.

Always,

Me

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo

For A Reason

A friend told me that I should start writing again. What he didn’t know was I did but simply never published my work. I guess at this point in my life, I wanted to keep some semblance of privacy. At almost 37, I didn’t feel that the world needed to hear (or read) my thoughts.

For about 5 or 6 years, I kept a blog writing about love, life, and everything else in between. I beg your indulgence. I was young, naive, and full of hope. Now, I’m old(er), skeptical, and practical about most things. Especially about relationships. 

I do miss my old self though. So here, let me try and summon my 23-year old self back. And write.

It was Feb 16 when we first met. Two days after Valentines, I was still reeling from this Hallmark induced holiday. But I guess, I felt that I wanted to meet someone new. After all, at that time it was nearly 8 months when my more than 6-year relationship just ended. And that break up was a b*tch. I have to thank my friends and family who kept me going when I felt life and love has given up on me. But like they said, time heals everything. Even the most devastating heartbreak I had in my life. But that’s another story to tell someday. 

So here we are 5 and a half months later and still dating. We still speak daily, see each other weekly, and never run out of things to talk about. It’s probably the most mature relationship I’ve had in a long time. But I’ll be very honest, it’s also the longest I’ve dated someone and not progressed in a committed relationship. 

Don’t know why. But for most of my relationships in past, it took a few weeks before we were “together.” This was different. New. Unusual. One that I have yet to understand. I guess the universe is telling me something. 

All I know is that I am nothing special. Just a man looking for meaning. And looking for a love to last. Answers to questions that the universe has yet to reveal. 

There are 7.6 Billion people in the world. That means there are about 200,000 births every day, that’s over 8,000 every hour, 138 every minute, 2.314 every second. 

106,564,353 in the Philippines. And counting. 

I’m asking for one. Just one.

That one person who will keep you looking at the world differently. That one who will remind you to be kind, humble, and honest. That one person you wake up for every morning. It may be him. It may not be. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned all this time is that I can endure. I can love unconditionally. 

For how long? Only time will tell. 

Until then, let me just enjoy life. Enjoy the time I have with him. And accept that everything happens for a reason.

I leave you this video by Moira. For those still looking for a reason.

Malaya by Moira

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo